Welcome to The Culture Thesis. Let's talk pop culture.

10 Things I'd Rather Listen To Than Rita Ora's Remake of Lady Marmalade

10 Things I'd Rather Listen To Than Rita Ora's Remake of Lady Marmalade

Usually I like to pretend that I don't know who Rita Ora is. Inspired by one of my favorite podcasters, XD, I like to instead ask if she's local while awaiting the moment that Roc Nation stops trying to make fetch happen. 

But today I have a question for Rita Ora, so I'm going to drop that act. Rita, have you lost your mind? 

In an interview with The Sun, Rita suggested that it would be a wonderful idea to remake "Lady Marmalade" with Miley Cyrus, Iggy Azalea and Charli XCX. That is a real sentence that I just wrote. When I first saw this news I knew she was trolling. Iggy Azalea is a punchline now. Miley Cyrus is just an all around no. And Charli XCX is cool and all, but if you were going to chock this song full of pop (read: all white) voices why not go with Jessie J or Ariana Grande, two girls who can actually sing? (Please note: I don't want this either, but if we absolutely had to do this we should pick them.) 

I could go in on Rita Ora for days, but instead I'm just going to create a list of things that I'd rather listen to than this truly awful remake (in no particular order): 

1. Lil Kim's "Flawless Remix" verse that nobody asked for on repeat

2. A William Hung (of American Idol fame) cover of Mariah Carey's "Always Be My Baby" 

3. A Kid's Bop version of What A Time to Be Alive

4. Kim Kardashian's "Jam" 

5. Ciara singing the National Anthem without her backup singers

6. Paint dry

7. Silento's "Watch Me Whip and Nae Nae" live at a 3 year old's birthday party

8. That U2 album Apple forced on us that one time  

9. Karlie Redd's "Louie, Prada, Gucci" song (Haven't watched it? Click this link. You're welcome)

10. The Weeknd live at the BET Awards

I could listen to literally anything, but this remake. I know Rita Ora's mentions have to be the pits on Twitter since Iggy's was so bad she had to jump on Twitter to say I have nothing to do with this. Rita Ora, we are collectively telling you no. Hear it. Learn it. Bathe with it. Cuddle it at night. And don't make anymore suggestions. 

What would you rather listen to than this remix? Please let me know in the comments. I'm dying to know. 

The Mindy Project is Killing It Right Now: Blogmas Day 1

Raven-Symone Doesn't Exist to Me Anymore

Raven-Symone Doesn't Exist to Me Anymore